


In His Blue Eyes

by castielrisingabove



Series: 11 canon divergent [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Casifer, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mute!Cas, Torture, mentions of Naomi - Freeform, mostly angst at the beginning though, set after 11.15, some violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-05-24 10:14:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6150283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielrisingabove/pseuds/castielrisingabove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Winchesters have captured Casifer in the hopes of convincing Castiel to cast out the devil. But Lucifer has a surprise up his sleeve...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fear

The air is thick with smoke, the bitter holy oil stinging Dean's eyes as he stares down Lucifer. He's reminded painfully of the _last_  time he's seen this body trapped within a ring of fire, Cas' eyes almost pleading with Dean as Dean ran out of the room.

He's not running now.

"I want Cas," Dean growls, voice hard. He's got the smooth metal of the angel blade clenched in his right fist, the cold surface just as foreign against his sweating palm as the fact he's pointing this weapon at his...what would he call Cas? Friend? Family? _Everything_ , his brain supplies him, and the word sends yet another pang of guilt through his heart.

The familiar crows feet around the now unfamiliar cold blue eyes crinkle and Lucifer throws back his head with laughter. It's a hard laugh, a mocking one, so very different from the rare occasions to which Castiel would laugh.

Dean can remember clearly one real time Castiel had such a big laugh. They were in the Bunker, all trying to find the necessary lore. Everyone was down and exhausted and Dean, trying to lighten the mood, had cracked a joke. It wasn't even a good one, but Castiel's entire face had lit up and he'd laughed and laughed, eyes shining as he explained "I understood that reference." 

But for 6 years of knowing him, one big laugh isn't all that much. How could he not have seen Cas laugh? The only answer Dean can think of is that they just didn't have time to laugh.  _Of course not,_ Dean thinks sourly, _We never called him for little things. Not for long drives or big concerts or Game of Thrones marathons, just when we needed to utilize his skills._

The thought makes Dean feel sick.

He uses that to fuel his fury at Lucifer. "We know a spell to get him back."

"Temporarily," Crowley supplements.

"It's more than enough time to convince him to cast you out," Dean sneers. Sam and Crowley share a look behind him, both a little more uncertain about the plan than Dean. 

Lucifer's laughing again. "I wouldn't do that if I was you. Cassie isn't exactly all here anymore."

It takes both Sam and Crowley to restrain Dean. "You _son of a bitch!_ I'll--"

"Kill me? Go ahead and try. But you'll be taking down what's left of Castiel."

Dean's heart is pounding as he pushes against Sam. The smoke burns his throat, keeping him quiet.

"What did you do to him?" 

Dean's never been more grateful for Sam to step in, proud of the throbbing fear and anger in his brother's voice. Sam's always been protective of family.

Lucifer shrugs. "I figured you'd try a stupid stunt like this. And I can't exactly risk Cassie changing his mind on me. So you'll imagine my surprise when I stumble upon a couple of _very_ interesting alterations in Castiel's coding. Naomi laid some excellent groundwork." 

He's practically strutting as he paces the circle, exuding confidence as his eyes never leave Dean's. It's torture, watching Castiel's form act as puppet for Lucifer. Dean's never noticed how expressive Cas' face could be, or how intimidating the angel could be if he put his mind to it. But the expressions aren't Castiel's and the way his body is held, like it could tear Dean apart in seconds...that's definitely not Cas. This visual tragedy is distracting enough, it takes several moments for Dean to even register what Lucifer's saying.

"Are you that dense? Naomi, that angel who trained Castiel to kill you? It's funny," Lucifer chuckles, "Do you know how many times she had to have him kill versions of you? Thousands. She pushed him over and over and over again...oh, you should _see_  how much pain he went through."

"Naomi failed," Dean growls, trying to ignore the thought of Castiel going through yet more pain on Dean's behalf, "Cas didn't kill me."

Lucifer's grin widens. "She was just lacking the right ingredients. Namely, a certain rabid killing spell. Nice work, by the way. I didn't even know angels could be that affected by human magics. Anyway, all I had to do was root around in Cas' brain and combine the two and, well," Lucifer's voice goes quieter as he leans in close to the flames, "With the added dash of my special torture...let's just say Castiel is more dangerous to you than I am."

Dean stumbles away, head spinning. He'd resigned himself to Lucifer in Castiel's vessel. He'd even resigned himself to the idea of Castiel being gone but _this?_ Could he really bring himself to look into those familiar eyes and only see burning hatred?

"He could be lying," Crowley says, "Bluffing to save his own skin."

"I don't know..." Sam's more pensive, his face creased with pain, "It's a smart move. Incapacitate Cas so Cas can't cast him out, but still keep him around so _we_  don't try to ice the devil. Dean?"

"Do the spell." Dean's staring at the ground, voice despondent. 

"Dean, it could be dangerous. Especially for--"

"Just do the damn spell!" Dean's eyes are hard as he stares at Sam, trying so hard to keep himself from trembling.

Sam looks from Dean to Lucifer, then back to Dean. He nods and he and Crowley begin chanting. Crowley slits his palm, squeezing the blood into the rest of the spell. There's a flash of light and a gust of air. The holy oil goes out and Lucifer collapses.

"Cas?"

Dean steps towards the angel hesitantly. Sam and Crowley move away. Castiel lays in a heap on the floor and Dean kneels to try to help him up.  His heart hammers in his chest as he reaches a shaking hand to touch Castiel's shoulder.

The angel's head jerks up and Dean's heart stops. He's seen a lot of things in Castiel's eyes. The battle-hardened wisdom of an angel fresh from Heaven, the innocent fear at being sent away with a stripper, the secret softness as he talks about his love for humanity, the worry for Dean's safety...those eyes have held more emotion than all the hosts of Heaven combined. But the look in Castiel's eyes now makes Dean's stomach clench and his body instinctively arch away.

Those familiar blue eyes were full of hatred.


	2. Hatred

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is filled with some pretty graphic violence, so read at your own risk.

 

Lucifer knows how to find peoples' breaking points, Dean gives him that. He's frozen in place, staring into Cas' eyes, bile rising. It's not just that Cas hates him, it's that he clearly _recognizes_ him. Dean's seen Cas wound up before and his eyes have always seemed...distant. Like the angel wasn't quite in control. But now? It's like he finally sees all of Dean's flaws and inconsistencies and cannot stand them.

"Cas?" Dean asks hoarsely, green eyes brimming with tears. He blames the smokey air. For a moment, everything seems frozen in time, Dean's mind taking a mental picture of Castiel that will haunt him forever.

Then Cas _growls_. He lunges towards Dean, mouth open wide. Dean jerks away, heart banging against his ribs as his brain processes the attack. The fact that the angel Dean considered to be his whole world just tried to rip his throat out _with his teeth_. 

"Cas, c'mon, this isn't you," Dean says, pushing himself up to standing. Castiel follows suit, barking a harsh laugh at Dean's remarks.

"How can you say what isn't me?" the angel snaps, taking a swing at Dean. It connects with Dean's lower abdomen and Dean winces. "You've never wanted me for _me_. You've wanted me for how I can be useful to you."

Castiel inflicts another blow, but his words cut far deeper. They're not quite true, Dean's wanted Castiel for _years_  now, but they're close enough. Dean's been using Castiel, maybe not on purpose, but he definitely has been. Castiel was willing to give up the entire host of Heaven for him and how did he repay him? Beating the shit out of him, abandoning him...Dean might deserve this beating, but it breaks his heart that Castiel's the one to do it.

There's a crack as Cas' fist connects to Dean's nose. It's definitely broken. This is the point where Sam steps in, trying to save his brother. Unlike Dean, Sam fights back, though Dean suspects he's going easy on Cas.

Not that it matters. One particularly well-timed blow from Cas sends Sam flying, his head crashing against the wall with a sickening thud before he slides to the ground. _We'll fix that later,_ Dean thinks to himself, _When Cas is back for good._

"Cas, please, I know you..." Dean begs, following as Castiel makes his way across the room to -- Sam's angel blade. Castiel twirls the weapon deftly in his hand, turning on Dean when--

\--he's intercepted by Crowley, also wielding an angel blade. But unlike Sam, Crowley is fighting to kill.

"Stop it, Crowley! You're _not_  going to kill him!" Dean cries as Crowley inflicts a decently good gash on Castiel's arm.

"Face it, Dean, your pet angel's gone rabid. It's time he gets put down."

There's a sickening amount of logic to Crowley's statement, but Dean doesn't want to process it. The decision, however, is made for him. The battle doesn't last long, Castiel strengthened by an archangel's grace. Crowley, the self-preservationist that he is, is more than happy to zap out of the fight when it's clear he's not going to win, leaving Castiel alone with Castiel.

Castiel smiles darkly. "How does it feel, Dean, being all alone?"

"Stop it, Cas. You gotta snap out of it, man."

Cas is at Dean in seconds, hand gripping his wrist so hard it snaps. "I don't take orders from you," he growls lowly, shoving Dean roughly to the ground. "It's about time you learned that."

He snaps a finger and Dean hears the bones in his legs snap of their own accord. He cries out, unable to contain the pain. "So you stay put," Cas explains, kneeling slowly, angel blade glinting in the light.

"You going to kill me?" Dean can't bear to look up at Castiel, can't bear for his final memories of the angel to be like this.

"Eventually," Cas sighs, "But first...I want you to know what it feels like." He swipes and Dean can feel the angel blade scraping across his chest. "To have lost your family..." another swipe, "to feel _weak..."_ this time he sliced a long line down Dean's arm, "to have the people you care about _reject_ you!" This time he plunges the blade down, straight into Dean's hand. Dean screams, the physical and mental torture beginning to take its strain.

And Cas? He laughs. It doesn't sound like Lucifer, that's the worst part about it all, it sounds gravely and familiar and it cuts to Dean's core.

"Please, Cas..." Dean whimpers, any semblance of strength or bravado gone.

"Begging?" Cas growls, plunging the blade into Dean's other hand, "Won't get you anywhere. Unless you forgot how you turned me, newly human, away to the harsh world when I asked to stay."

"I was wrong," Dean's sobbing, though it's mostly pained wheezes, "I was wrong, please Cas...come back..."

"It doesn't work that way!" Cas shouts, raking another long cut across Dean's chest. "You ruined me! You pulled me from Heaven, you brought me to fall and then you _cast me aside_  when I was no longer of use to you!"

"Cas..." 

"You nearly killed me! Beat me so soundly I _wished_  I was dead!" Cas has abandoned the blade for the time being, sending blow after blow with his fists until Dean was close to blacking out. "You never cared about me!"

It's occurring to Dean that this might actually be the end. And the worst part is, he knows he deserves it. He hopes Sam can get to safety; maybe Cas will forget about Sam once he's killed Dean. Maybe Sam will find a way to save Castiel, because Dean can't. It's not just because he's weak, it's because Castiel is right. Dean's been horrible to him. And now karma's finally catching up.

"Cas," Dean's voice is now a mere rasp. It takes all his energy and focus to lift his hand to brush against the angel's cheek, but he does so. His blood streaks across the warm skin and rough stubble. "I..." His heart is pounding, Dean isn't sure he can say what he needs to, "I...love you."

It's years too late, Dean knows this. But at least now he can die happy. His eyes flutter shut as he prepares himself for what is sure to be the final blow. It never comes.

Dean's eyes open to see Cas staring at him, a look of confusion marring his face. A _familiar_  expression. Time seems to have stopped, the very air feels almost electric as Castiel processes Dean's words. He absentmindedly touches Deans hand, still resting on his cheek. Then slowly, almost hesitantly, Castiel reaches out two fingers and Dean feels a familiar rush of grace pour into his body as he passes out.


	3. Love

 

"Dean? Wake up, please...Dean..." Sam's voice rings in Dean's head. For a moment, Dean drifts pleasantly in between consciousnesses. Then it all starts to come back, Cas' unfamiliar eyes boring into his as he plunges an angel blade into Dean's body--

Dean wakes up with a sharp gasp, jerking to sitting. 

"Dean, thank God." Sam's pulling Dean into a tight hug. Dean blinks, Cas' violence swimming in his eyes. He holds a shaky hand up to his face. It's covered in blood, his blood, but it's completely healed. A quick glance at Sam says his brother's been healed as well.

"Cas?" Dean croaks. 

Sam pulls out of the hug to look Dean in the eyes. His face is hard to read, many emotions flickering in and out. "Dean..."

"What happened?" It feels like the air's being sucked from his lungs.

"He's over there," Sam says, "Uh, he's been like that since..." Dean follows Sam's hand gesture to see Castiel standing, nose to the corner. His eyes don't leave the wall. 

"What happened?" Dean's voice is sharper now, he can't look away from...whatever it is that Castiel is doing. 

"Honestly? I, uh, I'm not quite sure," Sam says. He helps Dean to his feet, giving his brother's hand a squeeze. "I woke up to Cas crouched over me, fingers pressed to my forehead." So Cas had healed him. "Then his face scrunched up. I think Lucifer was trying to get back in control. Cas looked like he was in pain, a lot of it, then he screamed...there was a bright flash of light and, uh, Cas hasn't said anything since. Hell, he barely acknowledges me...except to do this." 

They approach Cas, who turns when he hears them nearing. Cas reaches out a hand, then presses two fingers to Sam's forehead before doing the same to Dean. Dean can feel the warmth of Cas' grace. Bewildered, Dean turns to Sam.

"He just...keeps healing me," Sam whispers sadly, "I can't get a word out of him, I can't even get him to really acknowledge anything I say to him." 

Dean looks back at Cas, eyes determined. "Cas, hey..." he reaches out a hand, grabbing the angel's shoulder. Castiel looks down at Dean's hand, a curious expression on his face as he brushes two fingers against it, grace once again draining into Dean.  "Cas, buddy, please." 

Cas pats the hand proudly, meeting Dean's eyes. Dean sees the familiar kindness and warmth in those eyes, but somehow they also look...distant. Like Castiel is miles away.

"Dean..." Sam's soft voice forces Dean to turn away from the angel, "He might always be like this." 

"No, that's not possible." Dean shakes his head.

"Cas isn't the only one Lucifer's tortured," Sam's running a hand through his hair, "And I never had him that deep inside me for so long..."

"So, you're saying Cas sacrificed himself _again_  to save us?" Dean can't keep the aching pain out of his voice. That stupid, selfless son of a bitch. He hates that once again, Cas has thrown himself under the bus for the Winchesters. Worse, Dean hates that what he really hoped to happen was that Cas would love him back. 

This thought, more than any other, is what causes Dean to snap. He's barely holding back tears as he confronts Castiel. "Cas, please..." 

Castiel reaches out, presumably to heal him again, and Dean takes Cas' hand in his own. "You're not a tool, stop acting like you're just a tool because you're not--" Dean closes his eyes. He's got emotions running through him he's barely able to process, Dean's barely aware Sam's even in the room with him. Dean takes a deep, shuddering breath, trying to calm his racing thoughts before he looks back up at his angel. "You're not a tool, Cas. You're _everything_. The--"

Dean pauses, his eyes locking onto Cas'. "The first thing I think about when I wake up, the last thing I think about when I go to bed...you've saved me more times than I can count, so please...let me save you for a change."  

There's the slightest flicker of understanding in Cas' eyes and he gives Dean's hand a light squeeze. Then the angel reaches out and presses his fingertips against Dean's hand, healing him again.

Dean sighs, squeezing Cas' hand back. "I still love you, you know."

Another soft squeeze from Cas. Blue eyes lighting up slightly. Cas takes note of the tears that have begun trickling down Dean's face and this time, he reaches his fingertips up to Dean's cheekbone before healing him.

When Dean finally turns away, he finds that he doesn't seem willing to let go of Cas' hand. Then again, Cas doesn't seem to be giving any indication of letting go either. Dean leads Cas back to the Bunker, hand in hand. 

"We're gonna save him, Sammy," Dean says, determination and hope ringing clear in his voice.  

Sam's eyes drift to their fingers, interlocked, and he grins broadly. "It's the least he deserves."

Dean glances over at Castiel, who is staring off into space, and rests his head gently on Cas' shoulder for a moment. Cas takes notice, resting his head against Dean's for a moment before reaching up to heal Dean's forehead. 

Dean knows it might be a long time before Castiel is ever, if that even happens, back to normal. But it's a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo. Two chapters in one day. This is some kind of record. Anyway, I didn't expect this, but I think this might evolve into some kind of series? Only if people are interested. I've got some ideas.


End file.
